Yourstar.com
I don’t get it. Well, I get it in the sense that I understand what it is. And I get why, given the intelligence and gullibility of Americans, it not only exists but also truly thrives as a business.
The home page of yourstar.com features the promise “As your star shines…your love will last. Eternal beauty, and infinite possibility mingle among the stars, and now, one of them can be yours…30 day guarantee—imagine the look on their face when you give them their very own star, officially recorded with the International Star Council!”
Okay, I’ll do just that. All right, give me a minute here to let me stop laughing. Hang on. Man, this is taking longer than I thought. Okay, here we go. Nope, still laughing. All right, I’m done. Let’s see now, hmmmmm, I’m imagining a look comprised of a mixture of incredulous outrage and pity. Is that right? A look that says, ‘How motherf***ing dumb are you?” You named a star after me? Which one? Point it out. Oh it’s “up there somewhere”? Wait, you can narrow it down to Crab Nebula? Well, that’ll save some time in finding it. What the f** is wrong with you? I’d rather have forty dollars worth of henna tattoos on my face. And what does that even mean, you named a star? Why stop there? What about truly imaginary things that, for a nominal fee, can be named after me? I’d like to name the next sighting of the Loch Ness monster after me, for $19.95. How about the whisper of an angel?
- I Drink for a Reason, David Cross
